Pre-θ 8 - Forgiveness

[bit_impossible]

[ooc: Before the Recursive Mind plot.]

[his shoulder twinges slightly, making him wince every now and then from the pain emanating from the wound every time he moves his arm in any single way. he really wishes it would just hurry up and heal; he rather likes having full range of motion for both arms. after checking the bar, he figured that it's either the library or the kitchen that he should check next but he decides to be contrary to such thoughts on the off-chance that Oliver didn't go there and headed to the forest instead. and that's where he is now, dodging branches and listening to the river burbling softly off in the distance.

well...he's listening for anything, really: the rustle of leaves, the crunching of twigs underfoot, anything.

and on the off-chance that anything making those noises hears him in any way, he decides to speak while he keeps an eye out for any movement. his voice is in its normal timbre but with a touch of gentleness in its tone.]

Ollie, if you can hear me--and I really hope you do otherwise this would sound incredibly silly and ridiculous--I need you to listen. I mean, it's not like I don't talk out loud to myself half the time anyway, but it's always nice that someone's on the receiving end of things I've got to say. Like now, for instance.

Hopefully just from the sound of my voice and my being here is enough. I'm all right, just like I said I'd be. But the one thing I didn't check before I left was how well you were. I need you to see that everything is all right--and that you can come home. That's why I'm here, speaking to the trees and flowers and the river nearby, and if you're not here, I'll go entertain an entire library of books next. Maybe I ought to have gone there first, but I kind of had a feeling you might not have gone there for any particular long length of time, not after those creatures had invaded.

I want you to come home, Ollie.

Comments

[oliverplus]

[is surprised by that] They didn't? Well, that's good. [clearly the Doctor is better at stopping people in time than Oliver is] They were just little explosions. There were just...sort of a lot.

[bit_impossible]

Good thing they were. You always do seem to find the explosions, don't you?

[oliverplus]

[pouts] It wasn't on purpose.

...are we going to Lun soon?

[bit_impossible]

[casually] Soon--

--once you've realised that none of this has been your fault. [eyes him]

[oliverplus]

[sighs and looks down, not meeting that gaze. he's starting to get the feeling he could be here forever--or until he stops running away] It's not that easy, Doctor...

[he pauses for a moment. then, nervously and still without looking up:] You mentioned...what we said. In the bar.

[bit_impossible]

[right on the nose!] Oh, I know. [softly, a distant look in his eye] I know that very well.

[that look leaves his eyes] But yes, I had. [leaves it open for Oliver to broach the subject]

[oliverplus]

[glances at him uncertainly, but he doesn't press]

[for a moment, he hopes the Doctor will bring it up so he doesn't have to. but after an awkward pause, he finally forces himself to stop running] I know you were testing me, but you... [pauses, looking the Doctor in the eyes and trying not to sound as afraid as he feels] You meant it, didn't you? About me ending up on another Gondovan. It's what I'm headed for.

[bit_impossible]

[he's relieved to hear that Oliver knows he was testing him, but any sign of that is not in his expression now]

If you continue on the path that you were on, then yes. You could create another Gonodovan. Not with me, mind, but with Harriet or anyone else who finds their way here. But right now, you stand on the top of a hill. Go one way, and you'll end up in New Gondovan. But! Go the other way or meander in any other direction, and you'll end up some place new. However, you're the only one who can choose which way and how you walk down that hill.

[oliverplus]

[softly] How do I know which way is the wrong one?

I don't want to make that mistake again. Not ever! But... [hesitates] It's what I've been doing already...isn't it?

[bit_impossible]

How does anyone know? I don't know half the time. Most of my decisions these days are on gut instinct and what I think is the right thing at the time. [well, there's more to it than that]

[takes a sip of his tea] What do you think?

[oliverplus]

[nods numbly before he looks down again, ashamed] I have to go back to Lun.

And I have to...face my friends on the Plane.

[bit_impossible]

[he nods] Yes, and yes. It won't be easy; never is. But they'll know what was truly the cause of everything by now. Hard to miss that clockwork maze and the posters Hiwatari put up. [he isn't aware of Daisuke being involved]

[oliverplus]

[nods, fiddling nervously with his teacup] They'll probably say it wasn't my fault.

Maybe I can do something to...well. Start to make it up to them a little. [he has his doubts he could ever truly "make up" for the way he just treated some of his friends]

[bit_impossible]

And they'll be right. It isn't--but you're still very much convinced that it is. I can only say that isn't so many times. That sort of forgiveness is something you need to find in yourself. And maybe doing that will help you. Helping them will help you. Think of it as a circle of self-perpetuated healing! [he grins]

[oliverplus]

I can't just... [shakes his head] Not yet.

[looks up at him, his expression still very uncertain--but also hopeful] But I'll do that. I'll come up with something I can do for them!

[bit_impossible]

Oh, I know you can't do it that easily. Thick head and all, remember?

But. I'd like you to do something for me. Can you do that?

[oliverplus]

[nervously] What is it?

[bit_impossible]

[gently] Promise me you'll find a way to forgive yourself. It doesn't have to be immediately, but somehow. I know it can be done, and I'll help you as much as I can.

[oliverplus]

I... [his voice catches in his throat. his eyes might be growing a little misty] I'll try. I really will.

...thanks, Doctor.

[bit_impossible]

Nah, don't mention it. [he smiles, stands, and comes around the table, patting Oliver on the shoulder] It's great to have you back, by the way.

[oliverplus]

[smiles up at him, trying really hard not to cry. he's a bloke! blokes don't cry] It's good to be back.

Even if we are going to Lun.

[bit_impossible]

[ruffles his hair, then pulls a face when he hears the name "Lun" and stops] Well...we can always make it a short visit. Convince Harriet that for the sake of her own brain cells, she ought to leave in the net hour.

[oliverplus]

[gives the Doctor a look, patting his own hair but likely just making more of a mess of it]

Or we claim she's desperately needed elsewhere?

[bit_impossible]

[doesn't notice that look]

Well, there is that. Normally does have somewhere to be, hence the relaxing world--even if it is a mind-numbingly relaxing world.

[oliverplus]

[discreetly wipes away the tears he's been holding back] Maybe we should make it somewhere fun, then! Fun and not mind-numbing.